A letter to your children to read after you're gone: template and examples
Many parents carry a quiet thought: "If something happened to me, I'd want them to know…" A letter to your children turns that thought into something they can actually hold. It is not a legal document and it does not need to be beautiful. It needs to sound like you, and it needs to reach them.
This guide gives you a fill-in template, notes on adapting it for young children, adult children and several children, a short list of things to leave out, and practical options for making sure the letter is delivered.
Before you start
- Write on an ordinary day. You do not need to wait for a diagnosis or a milestone. Letters written in calm moments tend to be warmer and less heavy.
- Aim for one or two pages. A short letter that gets finished is worth more than a long one that stays a draft.
- Be specific. "I loved how you hummed while drawing at the kitchen table" lands harder than "you were a wonderful child."
- Write to the reader they will be. A six-year-old may read this at sixteen or thirty. Write so it still makes sense then.
The template
Copy the structure below and replace the bracketed prompts. Skip any section that does not fit. The order matters less than the honesty.
Dear [name], [Opening — why you are writing] I am writing this while I am well, on an ordinary day, because there are things I want you to have in my own words. If you are reading it, I am not there to say them, and I am sorry for that. [What you mean to me] The day you were born / came into my life, I … What I love about who you are: … Something you probably don't know I noticed: … [A memory I keep] I often think about the time we … [What I hope for you] I hope you … (one or two hopes, not a list of instructions) Whatever you choose, I would be proud of you if you … [What I learned] Things I wish someone had told me earlier: … [Permission] Please grieve as long as you need — and please also laugh, celebrate, and be happy again. That is not forgetting me. [Anything unfinished] I am sorry for … / I forgive … / I wish we had … [Practical pointers — keep short] The important papers are with … The person who can help with practical things is … [Closing] I love you. That will not change. [Your name], [date]
Short examples for each section
Opening
"I'm writing this on a Sunday afternoon while you're at football practice. Nothing is wrong. I just wanted you to have some things from me, in my handwriting, in case I can't say them myself."
What you mean to me
"You made me braver. Before you, I avoided anything I might fail at. Watching you try, fall, and try again taught me more than I ever taught you."
What I hope for you
"I hope you find work that lets you be curious, and people who make you laugh until it hurts. I don't mind what the work is."
Permission
"If you have a wedding, a graduation, a quiet good day — enjoy it fully. Missing me and being happy can happen at the same time."
Adapting it for your children's ages
Young children
Use simple sentences and concrete memories: songs you sang, games you played, the name you called them. Consider writing two versions — a short one an adult can read aloud now, and a longer one to be opened when they are older. Tell the adult who will raise them which is which.
Teenagers
Teenagers are often in the middle of pushing away from parents. Acknowledge it gently: tell them that any arguments you had did not change how you felt. Avoid long lists of advice; one or two values, explained through a story, will stay with them longer.
Adult children
Adult children may want more honesty: what you struggled with, what you are proud of in them as adults, and anything left unresolved between you. This is also the place to thank them for care they may have given you.
More than one child
Siblings compare. Keep personal letters roughly the same length and tone, avoid comparisons ("you were always the responsible one"), and never use one letter to explain a decision that affects the others. A short joint letter can carry the shared message — that you hope they look after each other.
What to leave out
- Instructions about money or property. If the letter says something different from your will, it can cause hurt and confusion. Keep legal matters in your will and related documents, prepared with a professional where you live. See digital will vs legal will for the difference.
- Secrets that harm the reader. Ask yourself whether a revelation helps them or only unburdens you. If it is important, consider saying it while you are alive.
- Guilt or obligations. "Look after your mother" can become a weight. "I hope you'll stay close to each other" leaves room.
- Passwords in plain text. Point to where access information is kept instead. Our guide on sharing passwords with your family covers safer options.
When to update it
Re-read the letter once a year or after a big change: a new child, a move, a separation, an illness, a reconciliation. Date every version so it is clear which one is current, and remove older copies.
How to make sure the letter arrives
A letter nobody can find does not help. Choose at least one of these, and tell a trusted adult that the letter exists:
- A sealed paper copy stored with your will, with your executor, or in a safe place at home, labelled "To be opened by [name]".
- A copy with a trusted person — a partner, sibling, or godparent — with clear instructions about when to pass it on.
- A digital message held for later. With Final Saying you write the letter now and choose the recipient. You are asked to check in on a schedule you set. If you stop responding, reminder emails follow on days 7, 12 and 15 after the check-in email (Premium users also get a WhatsApp reminder on day 16), and the letter is delivered on day 17 — only if that final reminder was actually sent. The free plan includes one email message; Premium is a one-time €29. Messages are encrypted at rest; you can read exactly how storage, keys and delivery work.
Whatever you choose, a letter to your children sits well alongside the rest of your planning. The free digital legacy checklist helps you note where everything else is, and our digital legacy planning guide explains the wider picture.
Frequently asked questions
What should I write in a letter to my children for after I die?
Most good letters cover a few things: what each child means to you, a memory or two, the values you hope they carry, permission to grieve and to be happy again, and anything you need to apologise for or forgive. It does not need to be long or polished. Honest and specific matters more than eloquent.
Should I write one letter or one per child?
If you have more than one child, a short shared letter plus a personal letter to each child usually works best. Keep the personal letters roughly similar in length and warmth so nobody reads them as a ranking.
Is a letter to my children legally binding?
No. A personal letter is not a will and should not be used to divide property or appoint guardians. Those decisions belong in your will or other legal documents, prepared with a qualified professional where you live. Keep the letter consistent with them.
How do I make sure my children receive the letter?
Tell someone you trust that it exists and where it is. Common options are a sealed copy kept with your will or executor, a copy in a safe place at home, or a digital message held by a service such as Final Saying, which delivers it only after you stop responding to check-ins.